Beware the Blog

So I saw Fantastic Four: Rise Of the Silver Surfer. Not really sure why, except that The Shiny One was one of my favorite Marvel characters when I was in high school.

I liked it. But then, I didn’t have huge problems with Fantastic Four, and I seem to be alone in the world on that score. But after all, even “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine” (a title they shamelessly bestowed upon themselves way back in the day) has some limitations. Y’gotta be willing to give a little.

That said, I tihought FF:ROTSS worked better than expected, largely due to the combined gravitas of Doug Jones’s physicality and Lawrence Fishburne’s vocals as the Surfer. (It certainly played better than Julian McMahon’s Doctor Doom; he sounds like a Bagdassarian chipmunk with delusions of villainy.)

SPOILER OFF STARBOARD BOW! 

 As for all the kvetching about Galactus being a big ol’ planet-devouring energy cloud instead of a big ol’ planet-devouring alien wearing a TV antenna for a hat … please. That worked fine as a Jack Kirby creation in the comic book Marvel Universe, but I defy any art director in town to try to pull that off in a film without it being laughed out of the theater. Different media, different needs.

In sum - not bad. You can dance to it. Though I’m still not quite sure why Sue Storm’s skin tone was more orange than the Thing’s …

Well, InterWorld will be released in about two weeks now, and over at his place Neil has just leaked that the book has been optioned by DreamWorks Feature Animation. Which brings a smile to both our faces, as the whole thing originally started over ten years ago, back when I was working for the no-longer existent DreamWorks TV Animation branch. Neil and I had been booting an idea back and forth for an animated series, but when we pitched it, all we got were blank expressions and the faint background sounds of  crickets. And now here we are, with a most excellent deal from their feature branch. A lot to savor if you’re a fan of irony.

I’ve been bemused by how many chickens (okay, tyrannosaurs) have been coming home to roost. Both Neil and I thought InterWorld  rather thoroughly dead, but we figured it was worth hooking cables to the electrodes in its neck one more time. And low and behold, it got off the slab and started doing the Monster Mash (just to complete the metaphor).

And, as I say, it’s not the only one. There’s also revived interest in a screenplay I wrote for Turner Features about the same time that Neil and I wrote InterWorld. And “Requiem”, the fabled final episode of  Dungeons and Dragons, finally saw the light of day (sort of), as a radio-style production on the DVD boxset.

But the King Daddy of them all is Star Trek New Voyages‘ “World Enough and Time.” For those who came in late, this is an episode of a fan-created series that has mushroomed and morphed into something far more. It’s written by Marc Scott Zicree and myself (with Marc directing), based upon an idea I pitched to the Star Trek: Phase II series in the mid-1970s. ST:PII was scrapped in favor of doing Star Trek: The Motion Picture. (And one last ironic soupçon: the reason ST:PII was scrapped was, of course, because of the enormous success of that other multi-billion dollar franchise: Star Wars. And my fourth SW novel, Death Star, will be on the stands the first week in October.)

“World Enough and Time,” starring George Takei and Christina Moses, will premiere in Los Angeles and be streamed worldwide on the Web Thursday, August 23rd, at 7 pm PDT, bringing to a finish what has to be the longest turnaround ever between a pitch and a greenlight on the same series.

Almost makes you believe there’s a purpose to all this, huh?

I have a question about global warming.

Or, rather, about the argument that it’s all a hoax. It’s a simple question:

Why?

I mean — I understand taking the position that it’s not happening. I don’t agree with it, but I understand it. A lot of corporations have huge vested interests in maintaining the status quo. Not a difficult concept, there.

What I don’t understand is the argument that it’s not happening, that temperature variations and climate change can be explained in historical context, that it’s all part of a vast conspiracy.

Again: Why?

What possible motivation does any corporation (or individual, for that matter) have for making the argument that the global warming problem exists? If they’re right (and, as I said, I think they are) that means massive rethinking and retooling of infrastructure, drastic changes in the way we live our daily lives, and so on. I can’t think of anyone — corporate entity or individual — who would advocate such draconian measures if they didn’t feel it was absolutely necessary. What do they stand to gain?

I realize companies like IBM are jumping on the green wagon, but that only bolsters the argument. I’ve read considerable amounts of prose on both sides of the controversy, and I’ve yet to find anyone who believes that it’s all Chicken Little panic who can give a credible reason why. They sometimes hint darkly at Star Chamber style conspiracies, but that’s about it.

Seems to me that, even if you put on hooded robes instead of a suit and go to work via secret tunnels to  SMERSH-style laboratories filled with monitors and banks of computers, at some point you still have to look at the bottom line …

So, again: Why?

Every now and then I get an email from someone out there telling me how envious s/he is of me, because I must lead “such an exciting life”. This evaluation comes from my having written all these books, scripts, etc., about Han, Luke, Kirk, Spock, Batman, Superman, yadda yadda.

I have few regrets about the path I’ve chosen — I became what I always wanted to be, and I’m content with that. I can’t imagine a more fulfilling way to spend the days I’ve been given. But let’s be clear here:

Exciting it’s not.

My characters live exciting lives. I sit in front of a computer screen and put them through their paces. They save worlds, battle the forces of darkness, and have happy endings; I type.

I’m not complaining — as I said, this is the life I’ve chosen and I’m content with it. But a writer’s life isn’t an exciting one (unless, of course, you’re Neil Gaiman). My characters battle dragons and defuse nuclear devices with only a few seconds left; I worry about carpal tunnel and lower back pain. I’m not what I write. It’s good, every now and then, to remind people of this. (And to remind myself to get out of the house every once in a while.)

One of my favorite lines from a movie (in other words, I wish I’d written it) is from Star Trek IV, when Kirk is asked if he’s “from outer space.” “No,” he replies. “I’m from Iowa. I only work in space.”

Amen. I’m delighted you like the movies, the books, and everything else that I write. With any luck, I’ll go on to do a whole lot more of ‘em. But try to remember not to confuse the artist with the art.

I just work here.

One of the more satisfying paradoxes about the first two Spider-Man movies is that, although they were about a nerdy high school student coping with superpowers, they were also two of the more adult and character-driven superhero movies to come down the pike in quite a while. Unfortunately, the last movie reverses this, being not only plot-driven with a vengeance, but also relying on a number of increasingly outré happenings to flog the story along.

***SPOILERS!!***

You’ve been warned.

While I grant that a certain amount of unlikely coincidence and occurrence is inevitable in any saga that begins with a radioactive (sorry; genetically-enhanced) spider bite, Spidey III abuses the privilege (and the audience) with plot devices worthy of Rube Goldberg. Consider: Harry Osborne decides to avenge Daddy’s death by becoming the New Goblin (a name no self-respecting supervillain would touch). Without even granting our hero the courtesy of a costume change, he pursues Peter Parker above the New York streets, until somehow (I don’t even remember how; another problem with the movie is that the action sequences are confusing as hell) New Gobby manages to whang his head real good against a pipe or on a pigeon or something and winds up with short-term (and highly-selective) amnesia, putting him in plot limbo for the duration of the movie, until it serves the filmmakers’ purposes for him to snap out of it. Which he does, only by now Peter’s succumbed to the dark side because this alien symbiote that’s just happened to crash-land its meteorite in Central Park right next to where he and MJ are watching shooting stars has turned Peter into a disco-loving, finger-shooting Tony Manero clone, who dazzles the chicks in a painfully protracted dance number that’s more out of Saturday Night Live than Saturday Night Fever. (I laughed out loud in the theater when Dr. Curt “Lizard” Conners describes the symbiote sample as something along the lines of a “chondrite from the Seventies.”) And it turns out the symbiote can play the piano as well. Who knew?

But of course our hero eventually triumphs over his baser instincts and cooler hairstyle and, with the aid of the bells of Saint Pat’s, divests himself of the black goo, which unfortunately drips all over Eddie Brock (Topher Grace), turning him into Venom. (Speaking of plot devices that would make Ed Wood blink, Eddie is there in the church because he’s come to beg the Almighty to kill Peter Parker.)

One of the film’s few saving graces (aside from Topher) is Thomas Hayden Church as the Sandman. He simply rules. Not only does he uncannily look the part, but he really makes the most of what little he’s given to work with. Unfortunately, he’s also totally unnecessary to the plot, and at the end, it’s not even him — it’s just a big blob of computerized sand. (And yes, I know Church did the mo-cap, but it’s still not the same thing.)
I could go on — I haven’t mentioned many of the other false notes struck, such as Captain Stacy (James Cromwell, also sadly underused) and Brock casually exchanging intros while Stacy’s daughter dangles screaming from a construction crane, or Harry’s complete 180 when Bernard the Butler tells him an utterly unconvincing story that’s supposed to prove that the Green Goblin was responsible for his own death, or the contrived re-opening of Uncle Ben’s murder case, or the deja vu of Mary Jane hanging from a great height for the third time in as many films … but I think you get the idea. (And, to be fair, MJ wasn’t hung out over the abyss in II so much as being sucked into Doc Ock’s fusion ball by some kind of mysterious force that only seemed to attract iron and redheads.)

But the point, I trust, is made. While it contains many excellent moments, and while I can’t praise Church’s Sandman portrayal highly enough, Spider-Man III is essentially a long and massively-contrived buildup to a third act that’s nothing more than an overblown CGI homage to Marvel Team-Up. It’s not an auspicious start to the summer blockbusters.

Sigh … Maybe FF2: Rise Of the Silver Surfer will be better …

So you’ve checked out my website, and you’ve devoured the embarrassingly few entries in this blog. But it’s just not enough. You crave more knowledge and insight into the fascinating, multi-talented creature that is me. You ask, nay, you demand, more gossip about my sheer wonderfulness. Where shall you go, to whom will you turn to slake this intellectual thirst?

Well, gentle reader/viewer, your prayers have been answered. Aim your trusty browser here and you’ll find far, far more information about me than you’ll ever want to know. There’s certainly more there than I ever wanted to know …

This is a series of interviews I did last summer for Peter Hyoguchi’s excellent Interviewing Hollywood site. Awesomely well put together, and so much footage that even I got tired of watching me. Go look. After you’ve had enough of me (and if that takes more than one or two clips I’d advise seeking professional help, stat), you can browse the other interviewees, many of whom actually have something worthwhile to say. All this, and a link to the Smurfs, too. Who could ask for more?

Coming this Fall to a galaxy near you…

This is, basically, Titanic in a GFFA. I seem to have a penchant for getting myself into writing books where the outcome is known (such as Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter). The trick is, of course, to make the characters so interesting that you’ll keep on reading even though you know it goes boom at the end.

(And if that last statement was a spoiler for you, you really need to get out more.)

This is the kind of book that’s known as a Big Summer Read (yes, even though it’s being released in October). It’s around 120,000 words (most books bow in at around 80 or 90K). Big ol’ cast of characters (including Vader, Tarkin, a buncha new faces and a few surprise guest stars), and a storyline that follows the most dangerous weapon the galaxy has ever known from construction to destruction. As the Harvard Lampoon once said, it “Makes Ben-Hur look like an epic!”

And that’s all I’m going to tell you about it, because if I say any more, George will spank.

Go ahead — order your copy now. Resistance is futile. (Sorry; wrong franchise.)

I don’t know about you, but I find this pretty durn exciting.

A world close in size to Earth (about half again as big), parked squarely in the “Goldiocks” zone, with temperatures ranging from 32° F to 100° F. Almost certainly it has liquid water, which, as we all know, is the sine qua non for life as we know it.

And if that isn’t interesting enough, there’s this.

Now, I may be as full of crap as a monkey’s pajamas, but it seems to me that if there’s the faintest chance of Heim’s theory (or any other way up to and possibly including Baron Munchausen’s method of space travel) succeeding, shouldn’t we be dropping everything and working like mad weasels to make it happen? After all, the planet’s only a measly (by galactic standards) ~120,000,000,000,000 miles away. Or, to put it in a less challenging mode, around 20 lightyears.

Hmm … of course, that means that, if there is any sort of advanced civilization there, they’re just now receiving the first seasons of The Dukes Of Hazzard, Charlie’s Angels and Three’s Company.

Maybe we don’t want to be all that hasty …

Okay, here at last is what you’ve all been waiting for (or at least those of you clutching your prop phasers tightly in hand …)

An update on World Enough and Time.

First off, a definitive answer about when it’ll be ready:

Soon.

Seriously — we’re shooting for the middle of May. It’s in the final tweaking stages, with just a few more FX shots and foley to be dropped in. Once we have all the shots it’ll be color-corrected, and then we’re good to go.

How does it look?

Let me put it this way — I’ve written TV for over thirty years, and I can’t recall a show I’ve been happier with. It’s tight, moves at Warp 10, the FX are great, the music phenomenal, the acting outstanding …

Are there things I’d do differently? Of course … I doubt anyone in the history of Hollywood has ever been 100% satisfied. But this comes closest of just about anything with my name on it.

Just wait a little longer, and see if you don’t agree.